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Facing denial, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is not a great feeling. A publisher is declining your work, giving a firm “Not interested.” As a writer, I am familiar with setbacks. I commenced proposing articles half a century past, just after finishing university. Over the years, I have had multiple books rejected, along with article pitches and many essays. Over the past two decades, specializing in commentary, the refusals have grown more frequent. Regularly, I receive a rejection every few days—amounting to in excess of 100 times a year. Cumulatively, denials throughout my life exceed a thousand. Today, I could have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

But, is this a complaining tirade? Far from it. Because, finally, at the age of 73, I have embraced being turned down.

How Did I Achieve It?

For perspective: At this point, just about every person and others has said no. I haven’t kept score my acceptance statistics—that would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: lately, a newspaper editor nixed 20 pieces consecutively before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, over 50 book publishers declined my book idea before someone gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 literary agents declined a project. A particular editor requested that I submit articles less frequently.

The Steps of Rejection

Starting out, each denial stung. I took them personally. It seemed like my creation being rejected, but who I am.

As soon as a manuscript was rejected, I would start the phases of denial:

• Initially, disbelief. Why did this occur? Why would they be ignore my skill?
• Second, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the wrong person? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What do they know? Who made you to decide on my work? They’re foolish and their outlet stinks. I deny your no.
• Fourth, irritation at the rejecters, then anger at myself. Why would I do this to myself? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, negotiating (often accompanied by false hope). How can I convince you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, despair. I’m no good. Additionally, I can never become accomplished.

I experienced this over many years.

Great Company

Certainly, I was in fine fellowship. Accounts of creators whose work was originally rejected are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was originally turned down. Since they did succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was cut from his youth squad. The majority of American leaders over the last 60 years had previously lost races. The actor-writer claims that his script for Rocky and attempt to appear were turned down repeatedly. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and keep moving, not backing down,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Then, when I entered my senior age, I entered the final phase of rejection. Peace. Now, I more clearly see the various causes why someone says no. For starters, an publisher may have just published a like work, or have something in progress, or be considering that idea for a different writer.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my pitch is not appealing. Or maybe the editor believes I lack the credentials or stature to fit the bill. Or isn’t in the market for the content I am peddling. Or was busy and scanned my work hastily to recognize its quality.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Anything can be turned down, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Some explanations for denial are permanently out of your hands.

Within Control

Some aspects are within it. Let’s face it, my proposals may sometimes be flawed. They may be irrelevant and resonance, or the message I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe something about my grammar, especially semicolons, was annoying.

The point is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve authored two books—my first when I was 51, the next, a autobiography, at older—and more than a thousand pieces. Those pieces have appeared in publications big and little, in diverse sources. An early piece appeared when I was 26—and I have now submitted to various outlets for 50 years.

Yet, no major hits, no book signings in bookshops, no appearances on popular shows, no presentations, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can better handle rejection at my age, because my, small successes have cushioned the jolts of my setbacks. I can now be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Educational Rejection

Denial can be helpful, but only if you listen to what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep taking rejection the wrong way. What teachings have I acquired?

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